it's out

A girl (Ma. Bo.) I had last year came to me in the bus line and said, Mrs. Delafosse, Abbie said you have cancer. She said it kinda loud too! I looked at her and gave her a smile and a gentle wink. Then she sat down. I called her back over to me and said that I was OK.

So since Abbie's teacher and Ma. Bo. teacher were in the bus lines with me, I asked Abbie's teacher if Abbie talks about me in class. No. The other teacher said the same. So, at home I asked Abbie about it. She said her friend told Ma. and Abbie said yes, it was true. Abbie didn't realize the other girl even knew. But I met the mother recently at a womens conference. Didn't know she had told her daughter.

Not sure what Ma. will do? Tell others? I need to ask the counselor if I should talk with Ma. or if I should let it drop.

the real me!

Well, here I am! No more can anyone complain about a bad hair day! lol The hair is pretty white, but darker around the ears. Not sure what it will end up as after the chemo is through. The chemo has given me the worst acne!! Even after my shower, I'm afraid I still have on quite a bit of eyeliner (thank goodness!). But the eyebrows are pretty accurate. I use my brown eyeshadow to give myself brows when I do my makeup. AND!!! Guess what!! I had JUST gotten a hair cut!! Graland trimmed some around the ears where the fuzz was getting a little too long there. Just that out-of-proportion flippy looking hair. Ahhh...nice, lovely look now.

Just little different than my usual look, huh?! :)

a GREAT visit with Zach!!!

We went to Nacogdoches to see Zach after church & Sunday School. We had agreed on a time the night before and planned on eating lunch together. We brought the dorm size fridge from the house to take to his room. Also his winter jacket. When we got there we came out to greet us. Graland was having me call his room to let him know we were there and there he was coming out to the van. :) He looked great although thinking back...I forgot to check if he'd put on any weight! He DOES get his three meals a day at the cafeteria and he DOES like to eat. shoot! I'll have to do a better job next time I see him! lol

His room is still pretty bare and unfortunately when I bought all the goodies for the dorm I forgot to get a broom. So, needless to say, after lunch we went to WalMart for some essentials. A broom, room freshener, drinks for the fridge, etc. When we came back Zoe swept the room. When I went to hang up his jacket there was ONE shirt hanging in the closet!! That was all that was in there!!! lol I said, Um Zach...you think you might need to do some laundry? He says, I still have one day left in there!! lol So funny!! But he was right and I know he'll get it done.

I talked with him about maybe catching a ride with another Livingston-ite who also goes to SFA. We'd love to help her out with gas fare...just need to get her email so we can contact her. But really, I know Zach won't want/need to come home every weekend or even every other weekend. But going 2 months in a row is just out of the question!!! Just no reason for that. And that's just too long for me. As it is, probably the next time we see him will be Thanksgiving. Unless he sneaks home sooner. I can only hope! :)

I asked how often they do family dinners at Wisely. He said at least 3 or 4 times a week. Actually, I meant in the dorm there...there is a dining room table by the kitchen...but he was referring to going to the cafeteria in the student center. They all go together...so that makes me feel good! Also, they are still going to Fredonia Hill Baptist together and that REALLY makes me feel good!!! Sunday school then church.

I can't find anything that he is NOT liking. The classes sound great and I think it is a good school for him. I am SO glad we got to see him. He was glad to see us too...of course, the Reeces and beef jerky didn't hurt anything either! :)

Taxol Round 10

Got up early for our 8am appt. Somehow, we always make it there on time...with time to spare! Got settled in and talked with my nurse for a while. She was wonderful..as they all are! Had not had her before. I asked about the numbness and she questioned if I could still button/unbutton. Yes, I can. If I was falling or hurting myself. No, I'm not. GOOD!!! :) She did tell me of a lady who was completely ok, except her nails had turned black. I told her I was feeling good then! Mine aren't black! However, you CAN see each week how much more chemo I've had from the last in my fingernails. The darker color is seeping it's way up the nail. The fingertips are sensitive and oooch...when I knock them against something!! I am continuing to "just live through" the feet thing. The toes are numb, but not to the point that they can't be used for walking. It is just a very strange sensation. I DO sit a lot!!! Just have to. I don't want to get tired. And they hurt when I'm walking on them too much.

She also asked if I'd been at Mays before for my chemo. Well, only once...at the beginning. But I teach, so I do chemo on Saturdays at the Main Building. She said they just don't have many breast patients at the Main...they all go to Mays. That must also be why they always ask if it was Dr. Brown who put in my port....he must not be a breast doctor.

Afterwards, we went to Hobby Lobby and got some things for school before going home. We rested a few minutes, but as the girls were in their Halloween costumes and ready to go to the Fall Festival at one of the churches, I said, Let's go!! We had ALL been looking forward to this! Central Baptist does this and it is always very nice! We were able to stay a couple of hours for crafts, food, and inflatables. It was good to see the girls having so much fun and to be able to do it with them.

Need I say more when I say TWO MORE TO GO!!! YIPPPPEEEEEEE

at the hop!

great day at the Pine Ridge Sock Hop....more info to come! :)

my new best friend

is my cap that Peggy made!!! Now that it is cool outside, it is a little cooler inside. Talk about the MOST comfy cap over the peach fuzz while I sleep...ooooo...it is just delightful...Like hot cocoa on a cold day! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

just step on it!

As I said I would do, I decided to ignore my numb toes and just walk on them! lol Maybe even walk some feeling back into them. I was very aware of them yesterday..almost like having a sunburn on your feet and trying not to touch it. But I just can't do that for another month! So, I wiggled, walked, whatever today. Perhaps I just need to get used to what it feels like, accept it, and move on...or should I say...walk on.

And....can I just say what an AWESOME team we have!!! Heather across the hall has offered to take my kids to recess when it's windy. I think she is afraid my hair will fly off. No, not really!!! They're concerned that I don't get sick. THANK YOU GUYS!!!!!

getting more difficult

Got dressed yesterday morning and it is noticeable that it is more difficult to get dressed. First time of the season to wear socks and gosh, you use your fingertips to pull them, in case you didn't know!! And buttoning my pants was odd as well. The numbness has gone past the toes to the balls of my feet. I think I said that before, but now it is more prominent. Now, when I say numb, I still have feeling there AND I can walk on it. It hurt some yesterday to walk on it because it is such a strange sensation. But, I feel like I am concentrating on it too much. So today, as much as possible, I'm am going to just walk as normal as I can. I have three more treatments and I WANT to get them...I don't want to stop them.

At therapy I did ask about my stomach. I talked with our nurse earlier about it and she said definately ask Bea. No one was around so I unzipped so she could see better what I was talking about. I get a large bulge on the left side when I try to sit up. Now, don't think I can do a sit up!! I CAN'T!!! But I want to! Anyway, she said the scar adhesion is crossed over the muscle there and keeping it from contracting smoothly. It is having to contract on either side of the adhesion. So it bulges up when it tries to do it's job.

Had a long phone visit with Zach Sunday night. :) Found out it was free on my end to call. But after 45 minutes, Zach says, well, it's been 44 minutes. I laughed and said Well, it's FREE on my end!! But I guess I'm eating up all your minutes, huh?! He laughed with a well, yeah... But it was good to hear his voice. Can't wait to see him...whenever that is.

sunday

I am SO tired.


I miss Zach.

Taxol Round 9: THREE to go!

We had that same extremely efficient nurse again! I really like her. I told her she was the FIRST nurse that I've had more than once...there are just so many! And that we had already decided in our discussions following chemo that she was the most efficient. She said OH NO! Now I've really got to be on my toes! :o) And, of course, she was wonderful again.

She asked about my port...they all do. Oh good! It is available! I asked about that. Mine is very defined and visible under my skin. She said many women gain weight during the treatments so the port sinks and they have trouble accessing it. Or, just the way it was put in...sometimes it will move from where it was stitched in...handiwork of your surgeon. She said mine did a very good job. And I agreed. Mine has stayed steadfast. Yeah! Dr. Ross! You can see in the picture the incision and the port below it. There is a little dot in the center of the port...that is where it was accessed today for chemo. Doesn't hurt when they access it. One, two, three, take a deep breath...it's in. I have my shirt pulled to the side for the picture. Normally, you'd never know it was there! (Abbie took the picture at an angle!!)

As she was asking how the Taxol has been for me, I said the most noticeable side effect was the numb toes and fingers. She asked if I had told my doctor. (yes) Because sometimes they will stop your treatment. The numbing is the result of nerve damage and they don't want it to get too bad...or permanent. But that they really don't want to stop something that is so good and working if they don't have to. I said mine wasn't debilitating and that I wouldn't want to stop the treatments. I only have THREE more to go! My last is Nov. 10.

I had such a hard time going to sleep last night. My legs hurt so bad. About 11:30 I got up and took a Tylenol and went right to sleep. I'll have to remember that next week.

Diagnosed with breast cancer January 29, 2007.
Mastectomy (4/09/07) Reconstruction (4/25/07) & Chemo. Keep me in your prayers.
Big chemo 1 2 3 4 Taxol (weekly)1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 [9] 10 11 12

visit with Dr. Green

Oh my gosh, the traffic was horrible going to Houston today!!! We made it there on time by leaving here at 6:30 for the 8:30 blood draw at the Mays Clinic. Yeah! Mays!!! I miss that place! Had an excellent stick and told the nurse how perfect it was!!! Then off to see Dr. Green.

Well, saw Alice (uh-lees) first. I love her!! She is SO sweet! She asks the normal questions, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, numbing (yes), etc. I told her the period was finally gone and she said maybe it will be for good, but couldn't say...for a year. Told her the numbing was going up my toes, but not enough to be impaired. And that I had had a fever last week. She was thrilled with my progress and how the past month has been with the Taxol.

I asked her about the port and when it would come out. She asked if I was having radiation after this. No, I'm not. So, about a week after my last treatment, I'll come in for another MRI to get the once over, one more time and they'll look at my bloodwork to make sure I'm clotting properly, etc. Then will come back the next day and have it removed. They'll numb the area, then take it out. She said most people say it doesn't hurt. So HURRAY!!! It should be gone by Thanksgiving! :o)

Then Dr. Green came in and did the breast checks and listened to the lungs. We talked for a while. I asked about diet and she said the best diet was making sure my fats were kept to less than 20% of my intake. Also she mentioned milk and chicken without hormones. We talked about the genetic testing which I'll have hopefully in November..it is scheduled for Dec at the moment. When I first started Ross said I wouldn't have to have a bi-lateral mastectomy since it wasn't in the family. She agreed that yes, at the time we had talked that that was a very wise choice. She wants me to wait until my genetic testing to make any further decisions. At this point, not knowing if there is the mutant gene, she would wait. If the testing comes back and there is NO mutant gene, then with the chemo AND the follow up tamoxifin / hormone therapy that I'll be getting after chemo, it cuts my chances of a recurrence by half. Which would be 5 -7%. Already it would be low with the no mutation and the occurrence of it coming back in a different spot was low. However, it if came back and there WAS the mutant gene, then the chances were much higher 35% or so. So, we'll see once the genetic testing is done. If it comes back mutant, I will be looking into prophylactic mastectomy. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to get my diet back under control.

Three more treatments!!!

losing it

My eyelashes and eyebrows are so thin now! I use brown eyeshadow on my brows and have always, thankfully, used eyeliner on my eyes. My bottom lashes esp getting thin and have some blank spots in places. That being said...my hair (peach fuzz) seems to be getting longer, even as it is coming out!! lol I have to use the shaver (Graland's) for my sideburn area. Otherwise, you can kinda see it when I put on the wig. Now that the hair is getting a little bit longer, it is showing that I must have a cowlick or something on the side!! I just can't get it to lay down. lol Good thing I've always had enough weight in my hair to keep it down. Not sure if it'll all be gone by Christmas or just coming back! We'll see!

maybe the fingers too

We were walking through WalMart earlier and I told Graland to imagine frozen toes that aren't even cold! That's what my feet feel like!! lol That frozen toe feeling you get when you stand out in the snow too long. But w/o the snow or the cold! ha ha

I'm thinking it may be the same beneath my fingernails. To press against the nails feels a little different now.

I had a great therapy on Monday! It was pouring cats and dogs.. BIG cat and BIG dogs!! I parked not too far from the door. But I just couldn't get out of the van! So I waited and then saw a woman get into her car that was located closer than mine. So I waited for her to leave, pulled out, and reparked my car. Well, it happens that it was only 2 cars over!! BUT it was just across from the entrance! So I made a dash for it. Went inside barefooted and was given a towel to dry off.

I had Elaine...who is also a big meanie...just like the others!! ha ha No, I love her! She knows to be tough with me and does a good job of hurting me properly. lol The "uncle, uncle" position...the one where they pull your arm up your back and you want to cry out "uncle" so they'll stop...I am getting very good at! (that was really poor sentence structure, sorry!) That one used to be my very worst! That is also the "undo your bra" pose, and since I make it a point to unlatch in the back JUST FOR THE PRACTICE...it's getting easier to do. She did a lot of what seemed to be trying to loosen up the shoulder blade from the scar tissue. Sorry, don't really know WHAT was going on...it did feel good though! lol Shoving down on my shoulder and shoving up from under the blade. Then kind of a twist and a turn in there! She also reminded me of some exercises I SHOULD be doing at home, but haven't been.

I am ready for my sub on Thursday. YEAH!! I usually have to stay sooo late on Wed to get ready for her, but I was on the ball this week! yeah, me! I'll see Dr. Green and have blood work. I am going to try to get some of my non-chemo appointments changed to different dates.

Who are you?

I checked my stats earlier and realize that I have quite a few people who check on me regularly!!! That is soooo sweet and I am incredibly shocked and humbled. I knew of several who told me they read up on me, but there was a good handful. There are some that I have absolutely NO IDEA who it might be though! Could you please introduce yourself if you are a frequent visitor? I'd love to know who you are..and maybe how you came across my blog! :)

To answer this, just click on the link below my post...it says COMMENTS on it. You'll get a page that says Leave Your Comment. Write in your comment and then click on OTHER for the name. You'll get a pop up box that will let you leave your name. You don't have to leave your email if you don't want to! Then click publish! And you're done.

The places I remember are Livingston, Beaumont, Pennsylvania, Chicago, Virginia, and Houston. These are my most frequent.

good news! I slept!

Each night following a Taxol treatment I just cannot sleep! I am so hyped up! I really prayed last night for sleep...knowing it probably wouldn't come. But OH it was sooo nice! Woke at 6 after sleeping a complete night.

By the way, the treatment went really well. I had a great nurse. It was one of the long day treatments. Got up at 430 to leave at 5. Blood drawn at 7 and treatment at 9. So we had breakfast in the cafeteria between visits. I told the nurse I had fever on Wed, that went away quickly. She said my numbers looked great and we proceeded with the treatment! :o)

My numbing is going into the first section of my feet..the balls of your feet. Not too bad, but I do feel the tingling starting to be in there too.

Taxol Round 8 - - - FOUR to GO!!!

Just finished Taxol #8 and now....
FOUR TO GO!!! FOUR TO GO!!! FOUR TO GO!!! Yeah, I'm a little excited!! :o)

Diagnosed with breast cancer January 29, 2007.
Mastectomy (4/09/07) Reconstruction (4/25/07) & Chemo. Keep me in your prayers.
Big chemo 1 2 3 4 Taxol (weekly)1 2 3 4 5 6 7 [8] 9 10 11 12

He honored my prayer

I held on to a scripture last night..Isaiah 43:2 the one that says "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you, when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.. Graland and I were talking about those who were martyred for Christ's sake and how they would have felt about the scripture. I told him that these particular verses were some of His promises to me from the beginning of my journey. I think He has honored my firm stance on standing up for his promise to me. At 10:30 last night I woke up in a sweat. My fever had broken. At 4 this morning it was 96.5 No, no typo there!! And right now, 6:30am it is 97. It did get up to 100 last night.

Praise God!! The receptionist was SO right...as long as the Lord is on His throne taking care of my business, I'll do just fine! :o)

fever..no wonder I was cold!

Still had the cold feeling today and wore long sleeves and a light jacket. Felt well enough...just have that ugh...getting a cold feeling...runny nose, etc. When I came home, Graland poured a Coke for me and I said, Wait, I'd like to take my temp first...don't think I have one, but since I'm a temp fanatic, let me do it! lol It's 100. Oh, well, OK! So I shower, have a Coke to cool me down and take it easy. Took it again later and it had come down some. YEAH!! I have an ARD in the morning, so hope it has done it's thing by then so I can go in. Otherwise, I'll go in VERY early, get things situated, let the office know about my not being at the ARD and confirm a sub. BUT..as I told a little girl today that we can choose to feel good or bad...and I'm going to feel GREAT! :o)

In the meantime..I also told the girl...yeah, my legs are really hurting now too and my knees esp, then my head feels bad cause I'm getting a cold! But, I'm still here loving all you guys and keeping a good attitude and a smile on my face.

Hoping to have a restful sleep tonight that takes away all my aches and pains! Oh yea, I had a little walkthrough yesterday (Dr. Sewell). She came in while I was doing a math lesson. We had JUST got off the floor with all the hands-on stuff, it was beautiful..yep, she missed it. But she got to see the ho-hum math worksheet that goes with it. I was sitting at the overhead doing this thinking, oh great, the principal is watching me do a lesson sitting down. That is so not a good thing!! All I could think is...but my toes are feeling numb!! lol I'm gonna SIT!!! so I did! AH...it felt good too! (I did get a very nice write-up though...what a relief...cause I was kinda bummed after she left!) :o)

feeling yucky

ugh... getting a head cold. My nose is running and my head aches. I was so cold yesterday but didn't have fever. Otherwise all is fine! :o) Kids at school are great. Abbie went to the doctor on Monday and is on an antibiotic. Hopefully she'll finally lose the fever for good. Must go to school now!

Taxol Round 7

Had my 7th round of Taxol yesterday and it went well. The weather was horrible, horrible rains coming into Houston. But it got better as we neared Anderson. And on the way home it was beautiful! After last week's LONG treatment, this one was a breeze! In and out in 2 hours!!! This was record time for us. It began with signing in and the receptionist asked how we were doing and I asked her the same thing. She replied with As long as God is still sitting on the throne, I'm just fine!!! I smiled real big and gave her a resounding YES MA'AM!!!

Our nurse was very efficient and checked on me several times once she got me going. I started just after 9 and was out by 11. I remembered to put on the cream in time so that was a good thing! :o)

We went by Hobby Lobby afterwards and got some fabric for my 50s Day skirt. I had gotten a pattern and some nice fabric. When I got to the counter the lady asked if this was for a poodle skirt. I told her it was and she immediately said, No go back and get the felt, put back the pattern, and I'll just tell you how to make it! So I went back and got the felt and she explained what to do. Then, even though she had a line waiting, she asked if the floral print I got was for my scarf 9for the neck) and I said No, it was a scarf for my head. So she went over to the chiffon and cut off some black and said it would be a sample piece (though it was quite large enough for the actual scarf). She gave me instructions on how to sew it into a scarf...She was so friendly. I have the skirt cut out, but still need to do the waist on it and put on my applique. It will be beautiful when I finish!

Couldn't sleep last night. I usually can't on the night of chemo. The pads of my toes are going numb. Feels like they're asleep...doesn't hurt, but they feel odd.

Diagnosed with breast cancer January 29, 2007.
Mastectomy (4/09/07) Reconstruction (4/25/07) & Chemo. Keep me in your prayers.
Big chemo 1 2 3 4 Taxol (weekly)1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8 9 10 11 12

having a good week!

Well, looking back, I think I just wasn't feeling well last week! The aching neck, hand and legs... because I'm feeling better this week. I do feel a little numbness in the toes, but as far as major aches, nothing! YEAH!! I DO have to say this conclusion comes on the heels of Abbie being sick all week. So far she has missed 4 days this week. :( High fever. So with everything running rampant at school, I think I just had something set in me that I took for side effects.

Wish I could blame the steroids or chemo or something, but I don't like the weight I've put on. Apparently everyone thought I looked horrible when I went on my original diet. I am SO glad I was on it. Yes, I did lose a lot of weight, but never went below 115 or anything like that!! But to hear that you "looked like a skeleton" and others hurts. God was so good during that time to give me a month to change my diet. I WAS concerned about chemo, but knew what was in me could be changed by what I was putting in me. I am still drinking carrot juice every other day and yes, still believe it is doing me good! :o) There is no reason to just do chemo and go about my business like there is nothing I can do about this. When I am off of chemo I'll change my diet again to be more rigorous. In the meantime, I like to eat. As much as I don't want to eat the things I don't need to eat, I'm finding myself eating them anyway. As much as I need to exercise, I don't. And both of these things are going to be the way to staying better once I'm through. I am waiting for osmosis to kick in and help out and am trying my hardest to exercise vicariously, but it's just not working for me yet. lol Now, when I talk about weight...just five pounds...nothing more. I don't want to be too thin, but most of it right now...I just need to exercise! and get back in shape. Would love for my new wardrobe to fit better. I like my size 8. I think it is a healthy size for me. Just want to KEEP my size 8 and not go bigger. and yes...I have had comments on my larger size.