the rollercoaster part 1

Well, able to sit for a while, so will finally update! :) Sorry, this one post may take you several days to read. It is very very long!!!

We went in April 25th early..I was first in line HURRAH!! Don't think I could have handled waiting until midday! It was a peaceful drive and though I figured Graland would have to wheelchair through the hospital (because of nerves) I did fine on my own. We got to the surgery pre-op place and got the info taken care of and in just a few minutes the nurse called a good size group of us to another floor where we went to the holding room. Got in a gown, restroomed several times, then waited for the anesthesiologist. It is strange to be excited to see people you know, but the girl we had from April 9 was there to check in on me and it put us both at rest. She is so delightful with a sweet spirit about her. She said "weren't you just here a few days ago!!"

The fellow comes in and asks what will happen, which side...they are very thorough and they have YOU explain everything to them....they make sure you know ahead of time what to expect. It is actually kind of neat the way they do it! Last time I had a list of maybe four things and had to remember them all in my sedated state! But this time, 1. remove the expander, 2. get a DIEP tram flap from tummy, 3. put tissue from tummy in breast, 4. may have to use mesh on tummy muscle, 5. remove artery from tummy to use in breast

I didn't ask to have my picture taken AND didn't need to call anyone this time!! lol Kissed Graland goodbye as we rolled down the hallway to surgery. And that was it!

I wake up with the breathing tube being taken out of me. It was so scarey...I just kept telling them "I can't breathe! I can't breathe!" I was so frightened. Then it was dark again and I woke up in recovery. (I asked about that later and they said they always start waking you up at that point, but usually you don't remember it, but they have to make sure you ARE waking up at that point and are able to come out of anesthesia.)

Couldn't wait to see Graland, but they had me by myself for a while before calling him. Guess they got tired of me asking for him, so finally got him there with me!

The holding room is mostly for pain management. They gave me morphine, but I hurt. So they gave me something on top of that and finally I was able to rest some. Kept me there for quite some time, though I couldn't say now how long. I DO know that I was going back and forth with 'should I ask for some more' then it was time to go to my room upstairs. Dang!!! I SHOULD have asked but didn't. I hurt every roll of the way. Every carpet bump, every transition, going into the elevator, you name it. It was miserable.

I got to the room and in comes my beautiful nurse, May, who I had my first go round. She was the sweetest person! I was horrible. I didn't use any bad words or anything, nothing like that, but I was in such terrible pain all I could say was I am a ten (scale of 1 to 10 that they use, ten being unbearable). I'm a 10, I'm a 10!! They are giving me straight morphine and I can get an extra boost every 8 minutes with the little push button. May is calling downstairs trying to find out what they did down there. I kept saying they gave me something more than morphine that WORKED for me...I can't do just morphine. Of course, they're looking at me like I'm a junky or something!! lol I've never taken anything more than a Tylenol in my life!! (except when they gave me vicoden a few weeks back) They wouldn't let her give me anything else as "morphine should work!" UGH All night..poor things had to come in and do blood pressure, check the flap on my breast--the arteries they transferred from the tummy to the breast were checked hourly to make sure there weren't any clots and to make sure it functioned perfectly or I would be taken straight to surgery) Each time I just pleaded and told them the amount of pain I was in. But nothing. I did not rest or sleep the entire night. I got there at 9 that evening. By the end of the night...into morning I hurt and it was all I could do to actually push the pain button. It wracked my whole body to press the little button. It was a conscious effort. Finally, Dr. Knonowitz (the plastic surgeon who did my breast surgery) came in at 9 or so?? I told him the whole nights worth and he said he'd call in the pain management people and get this under control. He said everything looked good.

We waited for the pain guy and this nurse comes in makes some awful remark about I wouldn't have to do this whatever?? if I got out of bed like I'm supposed to. I just looked at Graland..did you hear what she said? We tried putting together what she had just said and were floored! How dare she! I hated her instantly. And, frankly was scared to death of her.

Pain guy came and got me taken care of. Ahhhh, it was heaven. He said I could still do a morphine boost if I needed. But, oh, it was so much better and I could actually be alive again. Took some time for it to set in, but it did eventually.

Well, now I've got a bad reputation!! :( I'm back on my feet so to speak and feeling much better except I've been horrible to my awesome nurse May and that just breaks my heart. I wait and wait for her to come back on shift. She never does. I wait days and days, nothing. I tell other nurses how awful I was and just cry. They said, Yeah, we heard about that, but don't worry...it happens, we understand..." But one evening a new nurse comes in and checks on me (I'm ahead of myself here..) and I look at her, then her name tag...MAY!!! I said May?? And she just smiles. I've already told other nurses that if they see her to beg her forgiveness. But now I have my own chance. I apologize profusely and cry again. I tell her that just wasn't me. It was at that time that she told me that downstairs people wouldn't let her change my meds and that she was so frustrated as well. Happy ending PRAISE GOD!! I don't think I ever had her again during my 10 day stay.