a bit of depression

I went pretty low last night. I wore a blouse that had a band on the sleeves near the elbows and could feel that it was a little tight on the left side. Had kind of felt it a couple days now. I looked all over for the fabric tape measure and couldn't find it. Finally told Graland why I was looking for it...to measure my arm girth. Told him I think I know what MAY be causing it, but didn't want to tell him what it was. I showed him my fingertips. "You have a cut?" No, but I've been working my fingers every day and they stay a little sore from practicing on the guitar. I practice every day...I love it!! I just started crying. I found something that I may be good at, and it comes back to bite me. :( When we went to bed all I could ask Graland was "Why does God hate me so much? It's bad enough that I sleep in sweat every night, but take away something I've grown to love?!" Then I cried some more because I knew I was sinning by even thinking something like that! I am SO thankful for how far He has brought me...I could not have done this alone.

At first I thought I had to give it up entirely. But we agreed that I would just cut back on practice..to maybe every other day or shorter session when I do practice. And I had JUST learned "B"!!! And YES!!! that was a HUGE accomplishment! It's a doozie. So today was the first day in about a month that I haven't picked up the guitar. So, in the meantime, I am still browsing through ebay "shopping" for just the right guitar. Acoustic, Gibson Epiphone... as if I know ANYTHING about kinds of guitars!! lol But, I did ask around on my ladies board and it happened to be one that I had kept looking at on ebay and one of the ladies said her husband has it and loves it. I have a little in my ebay account and am waiting for just the right steal.

Doing better today though...and actually my arm is doing much better as well!! At first glance you wouldn't think there was any swelling at all, but it is something I can feel, and I don't want it to get out of hand.